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Noob
n00b - someone who sucks ass at the topic at hand and acts like a complete douchebag because of it. 1337(leet) speak,A.K.A. Elite speak (not to be confused with wort-ish), is a common douchiness performed exclusively by noobs or people mocking noobs (distantly related to the jerk or asshole).Saying things such as: * "I'll pwn j00" * "ph41l" * "W7F?! j00 4R3 73H Ch347z0rz!!!11!!!one!!eleventy!" The n00b will in fact often call others n00bs, thus showing a complete lack of self-awareness. The only truly effective weapons against n00bs are "your momma" jokes and immediate and repeated termination, thereby giving them no room to insult. Be warned, the second course of action will often result in accusations of "h4x0r1ng", known to "normal" people as cheating. N00biness Any certified doctor can easily diagnose the state of being a n00b, more commonly know as n00biness or Noob cancer. The following are things that are commonly checked when testing for n00biness. However, a strain of Noobititus B has recently had an outbreak. This virus automatically causes Nub stage Noobiness. It is transferred through the air from infected Nubs. Noobs do a lot of greenade spamming.(a noob tactic) Risk Factors There are several risk factors associated with n00biness. The most common are: *1 Having gone through puberty, but still having an abnormally high-pitched voice. *2 Failing grade 1 English class. *3 Playing Halo, or similar video games, for more than 6 hours straight (currently the record stands at 45.34 hours). *4 Sucking ass but being unable to admit it. (if you can admit then your still not a noob unless you use noob tactics) *5 Using noob tactics(eg: PP and human weapon (the infamous noob combo), rocket launcher against people on the ground). *6 Having a gamertag that includes 1337 speak or gibberish. *7 Having a gamertag with the words spartan or 117 in it *8 Having a gamertag that includes the word "sniper" despite absolutely sucking with sniper weapons. *9 Being a Noobish Editor. *10 Getting laid by some nerdy chick that is krunk *11 Being an little kid that masurbates *12 Having a gamertag of a character in the game your playing(eg: ppl who call themselves master chief in it). *13 Having a gamertag with more than 5 numbers(eg: cheefyboy1234567890). *14 Not going out side for more than 24 hours. Anyone with any of these risk factors should immediately be tested for noobiness before playing any multiplayer games, in order to control the spread of the disease. Symptoms Noobiness manifests itself in many ways. The most common symptoms are: *Not being able to tell the difference between an "A" and a "4". *Failing classes because you wrote your final papers using the above logic. *Sticking plasma grenades to your own crotch in order to prevent another human from getting the point from killing you. *Sticking plasma grenades to your own crotch for no reason. *Sticking plasma grenades to your own crotch for sexual pleasure. *Yelling "This server sucks!" and disconnecting from the server the first time you are killed. *Craving Achievements for orgasms. *Have dreams you're making out with Cortana. *Have dreams you're making out with Tartarus *Shooting a plasma cannon on the gound and then saying whoever killed me ima kill you *Getting a boner after getting a kill. *Wanting to masterbait to Cortana, Miranda Keyes, or after getting a kill. *Tanting to hog the aircraft, shotgun, mauler, sniper rifle, energy sword, and gravity hammer. *Keep trying to get a splatter spree in a banshee. *Excessive use of yo mama jokes, fat jokes, trash talk and just being a douche. *Jumping in front of a vehicle going faster than a speeding grunty to chuck down a bubble shield think that you are completely safe. Note: Continued T-bagging of campaign NPC's is still under study. Not understanding the last sentence, however, has been proven accurate for early symptoms of n00b. Treatment N00biness is extremely difficult to treat. Once initially infected, it is almost always impossible to stop the downward cycle. Some experimental methods that may work include: *1 Taking extra English classes during summer school. *2 Breaking the "4" key on your keyboard (although n00biness will eventually lead to this because of excessive use). *3 Throwing away all of your grenades at the start of the round. *4 Having a friend (assuming that you have any) beat you over the head with a baseball bat, a row or an iron bar whenever you act like a n00b. *5 Avoid use of the term "pwn" until you actually can "pwn". *6 Separating yourself from other n00bs for extended periods of time. *7 Not killing yourself in a match at least once. *8 Doing yoga whenever you see an SMG. *9 Strenuous training in throwing grenades, driving Scorpions and speaking like a normal person. *10 Having the guts to ask someone out. *11 Having the guts to play a level with AIDs on at least normal difficulty. *12 Beat campaign on at least normal difficulty. *13 Rape their mother (if they have any). *14 Kick their ass with their own move: the noob combo, camp with a mauler, and fire rocket launchers in their face. *15 Throw mines in their camp ground. *16 Gang up on them (then gang T bag them). *17 Gang stick them with plasma grenades. *18 Actually try to aim (preferably for the head). *19 Quit splazer/rocket camping hoping to get anywhere. Transmission N00biness is highly contagious to those who are not vaccinated or have not gone through puberty. Exposure to any n00b for any amount of time puts you at risk of contracting n00biness. Exposure to n00bs should be minimized at all costs. If you need help facing down your n00biness, please speak to your local administrator. Dealing With N00bs N00bs can contaminate you with n00biness very easily. The following are the proper tools to deal with them: * Camperguns * Sucky Mini Guns (they'll run to their mommas) * Noodlers (AKA The nOOB-inator) * Sniper Rifle (They'll never know what hit them...) * Yo Momma jokes * T-bagging (actually, this kind of fails a little bit...) * Any weapon in general, as long as you can aim it. * Focus all kills on them to make them quit. * Or realy nothing at all because they will have already killed themselves. Contagiousness... nessness *The spread of n00bism has reached the point where grown men with normal voices are also in this state. This amplifies the theory that n00bism may also be caused by people with extremely small penises trying to compensate for their carnal shortcomings. If you encounter a noob... Run. Do not look back. Pretend to kill them, do not flinch, or flinch in such an awesome style and kick ass. DO NOT GO MELEE. I REPEAT, DO NOT GO MELEE. If you go melee, make sure that you do the gianty awesome ritual afterwards to cleanse, that is, kill the noob 2000 times, which is exceedingly simple, snipe them, and they'll think the game is glitched. Types of Noob *[[Achievement|'Achievement']]' Whores': Noobs who attempt to unlock all achievements and film them using the Theater on Halo 3, or else asking friends to help them get achievements, and then bragging about the completely useless Katana attached to their backs. *'Campers AKA Girl Scouts (which user '[[User:ShadowyLeftHand|'ShadowyLeftHand']]' takes no offense to):' 'Noobs who stand near player spawn points with a shotgun and kill people. *'Aggressive Snipers AKA Lee Harvey Oswalds: Noobs who will do anything to get a hold of a Sniper Rifle, including killing their own team-mates. Lee Harvey Oswalds are known to yell BOOM! HEADSHOT! on the rare occasions they actually hit someone. *'JFK Jrs.:' Noobs who enter a Banshee or Hornet and just fly around crashing into things. *'De-Levelers:' Noobs who keep sticking themselves with Plasma Grenades or commit suicide in other manners to lower their level on XBL. *'Major Noobs:' There are many major noobs in the halo server. These are people who can't get up their rank and keep on creating new accounts until they rank up and when they finally reach brig or general they talk all the crap to lower ranks when they probably have played over 6000 ranked games total. *'(insert weapon) Whores:' 'Noobs who camp by weapon spawnpoints and/or kill their teammates to get a hold of a certain weapon or vehicle. Common examples include Combo Whores, Shotgun Whores, Rocket Whores, and Tank Whores. *'Modders AKA h4xz0rz5: These Noobs will actually pwn you... when they're modding anyway. You are probably playing against a modder if Ghosts start falling out of the sky right onto your head, you are attacked by a flying Warthog, somebody is shooting rockets out of their SMG, a giant gorilla suddenly spawns and rips you in half or the AIDs virus is unleashed. How ever if you fail to realize that the Server says "Mods Game" you're a noob. *'Wannabe noobs:' Noobs who think they can use a sniper rifle/tank but then they fail at it and when they die and their teammate takes it, they just bitch and moan about it and either kills their team mates or waits until the weapon spawns by camping at the spawn and hitting the wall until it spawns *'Leeroy Jenkins:' This type of n00b, directly from World of Warcraft, basically make all team activities fail. *'Whiners a.k.a CryBabies:' 'This type refuses to shut up, and when you kill them they cry and yell that you are cheating, or your a nerd, or that your the noobies of noobs, ect. They are also rather weak and easy to pick off. *'She-whores:' '''While Shotgun Whores etc and JFK Jrs are mentioned above, this is a completely different category, and often fast-tracks the development of the Noob Disease. It involves hopping in the first Banshee the noob sees and using it with practiced f***tardness. If the noobs sees someone else using a banshee, they generally quit the server. People that yell 'SHEEWHORE!' at a Sheewhore are generally teetering on the brink of noobiness. *'Nooblets:' Also known as "Diet n00b" or "Noob Lite", these are a lesser level of n00bs that the term can be used lightly with. However, these n00blets can grow into full-fledged n00bs of any of the above forms. They are known for stupid mistakes mainly. *****tards:' A Nub that has somehow become noobier, although it is thought to be impossible. *'Asscrits:' A N00b that spends the whole damn match hiddin gin a bush or shrub in order to camp near a weapon spawn point and calling other people n00bs that they kill cowerdly. *'Players who call other players "noobs":' The average ''Halo player is a clump of ego bound together by a net of profanity, overuse of cliched modern attack terms such as "whore", "n00b", and "retard", and a feeling of superiority gained by referring to onself as a carnivorous animal. This ego often exudes from sniper rifles and battle rifles and will occasionally form a symbiotic entity that speaks in an unintelligible but intricate language via microphone for the player and utters a deprecation of certain techniques, weapons, or vehicles upon being killed by said technique, weapon, or vehicle. Plasma pistols in conjunction with headshot-capable weapons are the natural predators of players who call other players noobs. A common and fairly effective defense mechanism of players communicating in text form is to quickly eject small noxious sentences that serve as rudimentary pseudo-arguments. Stages of n00b disease 1. 'Newbie' Not generally considered the same a a n00b. this is mainly people who suck because they are new and this can lead to some-what Noob like behavior out of pissed-offness. The least threatening and generally most agreeable. Extended presence in this stage can result in advancing to stage 2. 2. N00b ' The second stage and the first that is a true n00b is what occurs when you get annihilated by a n00b. This is the most common stage of infection. These n00bs are often seen using the shotgun and camp in small corners waiting to pounce on prey. '''3. Nub ' Very untreatable infection. Anyone past n00b is beyond treatment are prone to killing themselves every time they attack. The Nub is known to utilize it's complete suicidal maniac-ness to charge and blow up their opponents and taking them with him. These n00bs use Rocket Lawn Chairs as that's the only thing that even gives the a chance of getting a kill. 4. '''n00bad The last and virtually untreatable stage. These n00bs have progressed so far that they are pwned even by other n00bs. These insecure pyshtoic homos are no joke. Typically, a n00b in this stage is seen quite sad. Unable to make even the simplest and easiest kills they suffer from severe schizophrenia. The have difficutly preforming the n00b tactics seen above; an obvious sign that this is a n00bad. They generally result from extreme exposure to n00biness. Having sexual intercourse with a n00b in this stage typically results in devoloping the symptoms and progressing to a n00bad in 2 weeks. This is the most common form of n00bads. Symptoms include, but are not limited to, severe schizophrenia, unable to communicate at any level with a n00b or else, acute migrines, reality displacement, thoughts of impossible pwnage, difficulty concernatating and learning, serval symptoms of Alzheimer's, extreme tampertaums resulting from momentary exposure to awsomeness, all other n00b symptoms, etc if you do come there frend however train them at all halo stuff as this offen results in a frendly noob version of chuck norris. Known n00bs *This irredeemably horrible loser * Truth * Tartar Sauce * New001 * Newb001 * New002 * New003(if you actually need that many accounts) * Whoever put the Arbiter as a n00b * Prophet of Haters. * That chick who made the article on girls * That chick who tried to make an article on guy(unexplainable) * Whoever put master chief as a noob * '''''me(infected by formatting cancer) * grunts * grunts * grunts * people * brutes * drones * the flood(they're the biggest noobs ever)!!!! See also * Easy * Noob Combo * Noob cancer * Noob Society Category: Shit people complain about Category:Idiots